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Since my last article, I have been further pondering the importance of loving myself. In particular, I have been considering some ways I can do this more effectively. I considered what I am best at, when I feel the most alive and fulfilled, and where I have the most impact with people. In short, I reassessed what my values are. When you have a clearer sense of what is important to you, it makes it a lot easier to love yourself. By values, I don't mean morals. The standards of right and wrong by which you live your life are not the same thing as values, at least not the way I am using the word values here. Here is some further clarification of what I mean. Contribution is one of my highest values. I feel invigorated when I am able to help someone experience more of the good things life has to offer. Personal growth is also very high on my hierarchy of values. Recognition from others is somewhat important to me, but only to a point. I certainly appreciate when others notice when I have done well, but this is mostly because it gives me an opportunity to help them achieve similar success. Comfort is not very high on my hierarchy of values. It is certainly less important than personal growth is. If comfort was important to me, I would not continue to lift weights each week, as the muscle soreness that I sometimes experience would be in conflict with that value. There is nothing moral or immoral about lifting weights. There’s nothing moral or immoral about relaxation. These two things just happen to have different levels of importance to me. I have narrowed it down to ten things I want and ten things I want to avoid. The terms people often use are "moving toward values" and "Moving away values". I am continually refining how I can fulfill as many of my moving toward values, while avoid as many of my moving away values as possible. Each list will not always stay the same. As I grow and mature, and my tastes change, things that were previously important to me, may seem fairly insignificant, and while aspects of life I may have never considered will garner much more attention. Knowing what is Important to you is a key component of loving yourself. Loving is crucial If you want to be able to love others as effectively as possible. Loving others is vital, if you want to love God. The more love you have in your life, the more you are able to endure difficult circumstances. The more love you have, the more strength you have to go on, when you've been knocked down and feel like giving up. If you need more out of life, learn how to love. It will be the best thing you ever did. Note: While I was reassessing my values, I became increasingly aware that I was sabotaging my moving toward value of excellence, and I was creating more mediocrity, whichh is something I desperately wish to avoid. As I considered this, and ways I could more effectively align my life to be more congruent with my values, I decided to gradually discontinue working as an assistive technology trainer. I will be concentrating on training in and teaching the martial arts, as well as utilizing my skills as an NLP Master Practitioner and hypnotist to help people overcome personal struggles and experience fuller and richer lives. My writing, my speaking, and my music, will all have their parts to play in this. I can refer you to excellent technology trainers, if you contact me. That said, it is unlikely I will be providing any direct technology training for you. I am, however, available for coaching sessions via Skype, phone, or in person. Joshua Loya Is a musician, martial artist, and NLP Master Practitioner living near the San Diego California area. You can learn more about him by visiting his web site, www.servantwarrioronline.com, or following him on Twitter, www.twitter.com/ServantWarrior. You may also email him, jloya29@gmail.com.  The core of Jesus’s message was to love God and love others as yourself. Within the context of Christianity, who you should love, in order of importance, are God, others, and yourself. In order to love God and others, you must first love yourself. This is different than pursuing pleasure, as I mentioned last time. Also, it is important to note that Jesus’s commandment to love others as yourself is not just a commandment. It is also an explanation of a principle regarding love. You will love others as you love yourself. Through much of my life, I have been insecure. I have lacked confidence. I have been afraid. I have been extremely depressed. I have even contemplated suicide because I did not like the person I was. There have been long periods in my life in which I really did not like myself at all. Much of this time was after I had become a Christian and knew God had forgiven my sins. I knew it was important to love others. I did kind things for people. I volunteered with several ministries that fed and clothed the homeless. I preached sermons that inspired people to give their lives to Christ. I taught Bible studies that helped people understand difficult passages of Scripture. I did all manner of things to show love to other people and to God. Unfortunately, I was inconsistent in loving others. I also yelled at, cussed out, and insulted people close to me. I drank, ate, and smoked too much, even when I knew my actions caused others distress. I did all of this after I had accepted Christ. How could I do all of this and be one of God’s people? I didn’t love myself. I had learned that it is more important to love others than myself. I had been taught to love sacrificially, and that suffering makes us holier and closer to God. I would try to live in a way that conformed to this ideal. Then, something in me would rebel, and I would emotionally react to this self neglect and abuse. I would either crash into the wall of self neglect or fall into the pit of selfishness, rather than traveling on the road that ran somewhere between them. I was miserable either way. I learned the answer to my struggles, as with many things, from my pastor and martial arts instructor, Soke-Kyoshi Scot Conway. A common saying at our dojo and our church is “It’s not about me. It’s about everyone, and I am one of everyone”. I heard this for the first time during a discussion following a particularly challenging sparring class. I remember it well because neither I, nor my sparring partner, were particularly careful during our match. I almost got knocked out, and I gave my partner a bloody nose. Neither of us were being particularly mindful of each other’s safety. We were too fixated on winning the match, rather than becoming better martial artists, which is what the sparring match was actually for. In the Guardian Martial Arts, we do not train for competition. We train for real life situations. A dedicated Guardian Martial Artist strives for excellence and celebrates the excellence of others. Even those of us who are black belts make it a point to learn what we can from the junior ranked students we are teaching. We are mindful of our safety and that of our training partners. Those of us who teach strive to be better, guarding against the neglect of our own training and improvement. I continued to ponder what makes a good sparring partner. I considered how I could not help my partner get better if I did not strive for excellence. Pondering what makes a good sparring partner led me to consider what makes a good friend. That’s when it hit me. I couldn’t love others if I didn’t love myself. It took a while for me to learn how to love myself. I only knew that I needed to do it. I knew that if I hated myself… If I didn’t strive to be more than I was… If I resigned myself to a mediocre existence, I would be miserable, and I would treat everyone around me like garbage, regardless of whether I meant to do so. I had a responsibility to my training partners to be a better martial artist, so they could get better. Similarly, I had a responsibility to everyone I cared about. I needed to take care of myself, so that I had the energy and resources to help them. I needed to learn how to love myself. I have not learned everything all there is to know about the Guardian Martial Arts. Black belt is only the beginning. Similarly, even though I have now learned the importance of loving myself, I am not perfect. I have days that are better than others. I can say, however, that as I have learned to love myself, and how to love myself, my ability to consistently love others and God with integrity and consistency has dramatically improved. Life is fuller, and my friendships are healthier and much stronger than ever before. Joshua Loya is a blind musician, martial artist, and assistive technology trainer living near San Diego, California. You may contact him at: jloya29@gmail.com/A> You can learn more about him by visiting his website: http://servantwarrioronline.com/ You can also follow him on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior The ancient Greeks had four words for love. Éros referred to passion or romantic love. Philia, or phileo, was generally thought of as love between friends. Storge generally referred to the type of affection between family members. Agápe is most simply translated as “unconditional love”. It is this word that is used in the famous love passage from 1 Corinthians (1 Corinthians 13). The subtleties in the different Greek words for love are beyond the scope of what can be explored in a single article. For now, I’m going to focus on agápe , and a way of explaining it that is simple enough for five-year-olds to understand. I’ll also give some helpful information on how to love others as powerfully and completely as possible. The important thing to remember about unconditional love is that it flows from your character. Who you are determines the quality of the agápe , or unconditional love, you have for others. If you are married, your agápe for your spouse is not dependent on them continuing to be your spouse. “I’m going to love you unconditionally, on the condition that you remain married to me.” It doesn’t really work that way; does it? Phileo love is what is most significantly impacted by the nature or quality of the relationship, and the amount of phileo love you have for someone is likely to change significantly during the time you know them. One more important thing to remember about love is this. Love is about giving, not getting. When you love someone, you are not appreciating the feeling they give you when they are around, or the things they give you, or the nice words they say. That’s most likely a mixture of infatuation and gratitude. Giving is genuinely desiring and doing good things for other people. It is about what you can contribute and provide to the relationship. It is about bringing your best to the people you are loving. At the Guardian Academy, the martial arts school where I train and teach, we teach the following, even to our youngest students. Love means: 1. I want the best for you. 2. I want to be the best for you. 3. I want you to have transcendent joy. Admittedly, most of the kids don’t actually know what transcendent means, but they usually learn enough to remember the rest. Wanting the best for someone means that you want them to have what ever would be best for them. This may mean that they have something or do something that you don’t personally like, but it is what is best for them. For example, you may have met someone that you are deeply attracted to, and this person has just gotten offered the job of their dreams, but it will mean they will have to move more than two-thousand miles away. Wanting the best for them means celebrating their success, even if it means the chances of a romantic relationship with them are fairly remote. Wanting to be the best for someone means being your absolute best at fulfilling your role in the relationship. It means being a great friend to your friends. It means being a great employee to your boss. It may even mean discontinuing a relationship when it is clear you would not be the best person to fulfill your role. It is also important to remember that what is the best for one person, may not be the best for someone else. For example, my wife is a gifted visual artist, according to anyone I have ever spoken with who has seen her work, and she would like to increase her skill. As her husband, one of the ways I can be the best for her is by making sure she has the time and resources necessary to devote to her art. This means I have to fulfill my responsibilities, and make less, not more, work for her. Wanting someone to have transcendent joy means wanting them to experience as full and joyful of a life as possible. There is a difference between joy and pleasure. One of the ways you would fulfill this part of loving as a parent nicely illustrates this point. Your average eight-year-old would probably prefer to play XBOX when given the choice between that or doing his homework. While you might let your child play video games, you’re probably not going to give him the option of dropping out of elementary school so he can get really good at playing them. You, as the parent, know that such a choice, while temporarily pleasurable, is unlikely to bring him long-term joy, especially as he grows into adulthood. Perhaps this is not the article you expected. Still, as Valentine’s Day fast approaches, I hope you are able to ponder what I’ve shared with you. Even more, I hope you are able to apply what I’ve shared. Next time, I’ll unpack a little more about what it means to love others, and what loving yourself has to do with that. Joshua Loya is a blind musician, martial artist, and assistive technology trainer living near San Diego, California. You may contact him at: jloya29@gmail.com You can learn more about him by visiting his website: http://servantwarrioronline.com/ You can also follow him on Twitter: http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior The reason the gaps in my knowledge and experience do not frighten me, even when said gaps are in areas people consider me an expert, is this. There is always someone who knows more, can do more, is stronger, is faster, or is more talented. The more willing we are to accept our own ignorance and shortcomings, the more capacity we have to learn and grow- to become something more than we are. This principle is beautifully illustrated within Christianity. In order for me to accept the gift of God’s salvation through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, I must admit that I am a sinner, and that I am unworthy, by my own merits, to enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. My own conduct, however pure, is not perfect, and I can only spend eternity with God if I admit my own imperfection and accept His forgiveness. If I am convinced I am “good enough” and refuse to entertain the notion that I might be missing something, I will miss out on all the wonderful things God has to show me. Here is another example. A woman has given birth to five sons over the course of her life. She is significantly overweight and her relationship with her husband has grown increasingly more toxic. She can begin to eat healthier and exercise, seek individual and couples counseling, and begin to work on improving the quality of her life and that of her family’s. She just needs to start with one thing she can do differently. That said, can she do anything if she refuses to admit she needs to change? Regardless of how her husband or children may be negatively contributing to the dynamics of the household, it is impossible for her situation to improve if she does not accept at least some responsibility. I want to qualify for my second degree black belt later this year, I want to be able to help people use technology more effectively, and I want to better empower others to handle what ever life throws at them. For all these reasons, I continue to take classes, read books, listen to audio programs, attend seminars, and regularly review what I have already learned. In order for me to do all of this, I must admit that I can be more than I am now. If we desire to improve in any way, we must admit our shortcomings. If we desire to learn, we must admit ignorance, at least to ourselves. The worse our situation is, the more we must take responsibility for the part we have played in crafting the life we are currently living. If we do this, we can gain the power necessary to craft the life we want. Even when people have done horrible things to us, we are still responsible for how we respond to such awful treatment. Fault equals power. We can only change ourselves. Whether or not the people around us change is completely up to them. Will you join me in accepting imperfection? We you join me in the adventure of becoming more tomorrow than you are today? Joshua was recently a guest on End Of Line, a podcast “for getting your geek on”. You can learn more about his appearance on the show by visiting the following link: http://eolshow.com/2011/12/14/eol-episode-4-ultimate-zombie-garlic/ Joshua will be a guest on Serospectives on January 12 at 6:00 Pacific/9:00 Eastern. For more information visit: http://serotalk.com/2012/01/10/serospectives-dining-in-the-light/ All of that said, it probably comes as no surprise that I am a huge Harry Potter fan. For some inexplicable reason, as the Christmas season approaches, I think increasingly of Harry Potter. In particular, I think of the third book in the series, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. (Note: If you have not read the Harry Potter books, be warned that there are spoilers beyond this point.) It is during the third book that Harry meets his godfather; the only family Harry has ever known that understands what it means to be a wizard. Toward the end of the third book, Harry, along with his godfather, is rescued by a patronus charm, an incredibly difficult spell, cast by someone who looks remarkably like Harry’s father. We later learn that the spell is actually cast by Harry who later goes back in time to save Harry’s godfather from being falsely imprisoned. At first, Harry believes that his father must still be alive, and that it was his father who had cast the patronus charm. At the last possible moment, he realizes that it was his patronus, not his father’s. This gives him the confidence to perform the especially challenging magic. Sometimes, we are faced with a situation which seems impossible. If we expand our understanding of time to imagine that there is a future version of us that has conquered what ever challenge lies before us, it can help us to overcome the obstacle at hand. Harry was able to do something he believed was impossible because he had already done it. I had a similar experience; though, I did not actually travel through time, as far as I know. When my wife and I separated in June of 2008, I thought I couldn’t go on living. I was near suicidal with grief over losing someone that I loved greatly, especially because the most significant damage done to our relationship was my fault. I was a wreck, but I had some very wise friends and teachers help me look beyond my present circumstances. I would experience one of two brighter futures, as long as I didn’t give up. In one, I was reconciled to my wife, and our relationship was stronger than ever. In the other, Andrea, my wife, and I opted for a divorce, but I had learned a great deal from the experience. I was a stronger and more selfless person than ever before, and I had learned enough to never repeat the same mistakes I had made during my first marriage. All it took is for me to realize that there was a future version of myself that had overcome this tremendously difficult and painful time. I had no guarantee of the outcome, but I knew that there was a future in which I made it. There was a future in which I conquered my fear and persevered. I was not bound by my circumstances. I did what I thought was impossible because I knew there was a me that had already done it. Andrea and I ultimately did reconcile. We have been reunited since December of 2009, and we continue to learn and grow together. She is not only my wife and my friend. She is also my training partner, and holds all the same martial arts ranks that I do. She shares my love of the fantastic, and also has learned how to use an expanded understanding of time to persevere through some of the more difficult challenges she faces in life. Note: If you have emailed me, and I have not responded, I am sorry. I will do my best to be better about this. In the meantime, you are welcome to try messaging me via Twitter @ServantWarrior, which sometimes yields better results. One of the biggest difficulties people have with reading the Bible is its sheer magnitude. There are over 1,000 chapters, and the more widely known translations can be difficult for many people to read. Some passages are familiar and read more like a story, while others are challenging because they involve very detailed information, often given in a dry and repetitive style. My suggestion, given very briefly, is to start with what you can do, and move on from there. Here is a more detailed example of what I mean. Start with the Gospel of Luke. It is very straightforward, and is easy to follow, and it will give you a clearer understanding of Jesus and His ministry while He was here on Earth. Then, I would recommend moving on to Acts, as it is written by the same author as the Gospel of Luke, and tells what happened to Christian disciples in the 1st century, almost exactly where the Gospel of Luke ended. I would then read from the beginning of the New Testament, stopping before I got to the Book of Revelation. Revelation is a challenging book, even for Christian theologians with Ph.Ds. Don’t stress yourself. Then, you can read the Bible from beginning to end, including Revelation. My advice for people taking their first class at our martial arts school is not very different. If you can remember one thing from your first class, then it was a success. You’re not expected to know everything; you’re a white belt. I have 3 black belts, and even I don’t know everything. Soke, our instructor, is an 8th degree black belt, and even he, being the master and creator of our system, doesn’t know all there is to know about martial arts. We both started with one thing, and added to it each time we trained. If you keep going, and keep learning, you will also get your black belt, just like we did. This principle of starting small and moving forward and what ever rate you can is applicable to nearly everything. Whether you’re talking about weightlifting, learning braille, playing an instrument, getting your degree, writing a book, running a marathon, or cooking a Thanksgiving dinner, you start with what you can do, and you build from there. The important thing is to keep going. Will you have days you want to give up? It’s possible. Will you have challenges along the way? Certainly. The important thing is to keep going. If you give up, you’re going to be stuck. Even if you are moving at a snail’s pace, at least you are moving forward. And, even if you have given up, you can always change your mind. Joshua Loya is a blind musician, martial artist, and assistive technology trainer living near San Diego, California. You may email him with any questions or suggestions for future articles at: jloya29@gmail.com , http://servantwarrioronline.com/ http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior I wanted to take this month's edition of Blind Man Walking to share a little bit about why I chose to get a dog, and why I chose to get it from Guide Dogs for the Blind, as opposed to one of the other dog guide schools I could have chosen. I also want to help you determine whether getting a dog is right for you, if that is something you are considering. As I mentioned, Hobbs is my third dog guide, and I got both of my other two dogs, both male black labs, from GDB's San Rafael, California campus. I graduated with my first guide, Dayton, in March of 2004. He suffered some relieving issues after being attacked by three other dogs, and he was retired in January of 2007. Dayton now lives with his puppy raisers. Hale and I graduated together in February 2007. Hale developed a benign tumor on his spine earlier this year which was successfully removed via surgery. Hale now lives with his puppy raisers. It was incredibly sad each time I needed to retire my previous guides, but it makes it a lot easier to know that they are with people that love them as much as I did. It is probably important for me to mention that I have grown up with guide dogs all my life. My mother, Lori a.k.a. The Food Lady, has had several dogs, all from GDB. Some of them have been fantastic. Some of them have been brats. All have them have enriched my mother's life. I knew, if and when I ever lost enough of my sight to warrant it, that I would probably also want to get a guide dog. Guide Dogs for the Blind was naturally the first school I applied to, considering the positive results my mother had with all of her dogs. When Hale, my most recent dog before Hobbs, began suffering health issues that my local vet was not able to accurately diagnose, the veterinary staff at the San Rafael campus went the extra mile to see what they could do for him. Through it all, it was obvious to me that they genuinely care about these dogs. They also worked with me, so that they extensive tests and treatments were not a financial burden for me. Additionally, they did everything they could to rehabilitate Hale to a level of health that would have allowed him to continue working as a guide. This demonstrated a solid commitment to GDB graduates. I was not just a number- someone that was working with one of their dogs. I was a human being. I indicated that working with a guide dog is not for everyone. I was twenty-three before I began the application process. I had been moving around a lot, and I wasn't sure that I had the discipline necessary to care for a dog. I was also a musician, and I hadn't decided how I would handle loud clubs and band rehearsals. That said, once I had resolved these issues, and refined my orientation and mobility skills, I couldn't wait to begin working with a four-legged friend. Hobbs, the dog I will be graduating with on Saturday, is the absolutely perfect dog for me. He walks fast, but he is careful in crowds. He is the best dog I have ever known with regard to relieving. He is affectionate, without being overly so. He is always willing to work, and his puppy raiser was a piano teacher, so my playing music will be familiar to him. I need to wrap this up, as it is almost time for Hobbs's dinner. That said, I am always willing to answer any questions you may have. I'm not part of GDB staff; nor, do I work for any other guide dog users organization. I'm just a blind man walking. Note: If you have contacted me via email, or any other means, and you have not received a reply. Please contact me again. I do my best to respond to everyone, but I sometimes make a mistake. Most of you know, from previous articles, that I have been studying martial arts for several years, and that I have earned three black belts. This is quite an accomplishment for anyone, even for someone who has no significant disability. That said, having significant martial arts training does not mean I am incapable of making mistakes that have very serious consequences. I made such a mistake, just before I was going to begin writing last month’s article. My wife and I live on the second floor of our apartment building; our unit is at the top of the stairs. We have, as most Southern Californians do, a very heavy-duty screen door. Unfortunately, said screen door does not stay shut unless locked, and it doesn’t stay completely open if we do not use a door-stop. In a moment of brilliance, while carrying grocery bags in both hands- not using my cane- I ran, at full speed, into the edge of said heavy-duty screen door. As you can imagine, it was not a pleasant experience. I suffered a concussion, very painful headaches, prolonged dizziness, some temporary numbness in my face, and a bit of whiplash. The pain and dizziness, combined with an increased set of responsibilities at the martial arts school while my instructor was out of town, left me in no position to write an article worth reading. Please learn from my negative example. Accidents do happen, but exercising a bit of caution can prevent unnecessary injury. As one might expect, having an increased level of pain made me a bit more irritable and anxious. When I finally was examined by a doctor, and was assured that no permanent damage had been done, my anxiety and stress level drastically decreased. My physical pain also lessened dramatically once I was confident that I was going to be ok. Most of us usually experienced some amount of negative emotions when we have any significant physical pain. Powerfully positive emotions and events also affect what we feel physically. When we are happy or filled with joy- overflowing even- we often find ourselves possessing a surplus of energy we didn’t know we had. Many of us have experienced an immediate release of tension in our neck and shoulders when our work or school day has come to an end. The relief of being done with a task frequently manifests physically. This relationship between our emotions and our physical bodies allows us to literally choose what emotions we experience. Try the following exercise. Stand up straight, keeping your shoulders back, and your head held high, taking special care to breathe deeply while holding your arms comfortably at your sides and your feet shoulder width apart in perfect alignment with your knees. Notice the thoughts you begin to have as your mind begins to drift. Now smile, even if you don’t feel like it. The elevation of your mood and confidence may only be slight at first. That said you will likely find it more difficult to feel sad or depressed while maintaining this body position. If you maintain a different posture, head down, shoulders slumped, and shallow breaths, you will likely find that your thoughts tend towards melancholy. Play with this. If you find yourself experiencing darker emotions, take note of what position your body is in. Project the physical expression of the emotion you want to experience, and you may begin to notice your emotions change accordingly. I would love to hear your results. Many people are amazed at how easily they can shift there mood when necessary. Others require a bit more practice. I would love to know how well the simple exercise I shared works for you. The first turning point for me came about a year into my training with Master Scot Conway, founder of the Guardian Martial Arts. I was incredibly overwhelmed with life, and the nearly all-encompassing sense of hopelessness I was feeling seemed as if it would last forever, no matter what I did. When I told Master Conway what I was experiencing, he asked me a simple question. "What can you do about it?" My first reaction was anger and indignation. Didn't he hear what I said? How dare he ask me what I can do! I just told him I couldn't do anything. It was some years before I understood exactly what Master Conway was doing. He asked me a question with a built in presumption that there was something I could do. He also knew that I would be more likely to take action if my emotions shifted to anger rather than depression. While anger does have a destructive side, especially when in excess, it is much more empowering of an emotion than generalized hopelessness or depression. During our conversation, after I had recovered from the shock of my perceived lack of sympathy on Master Con-way's part, he taught me something very important; though, it would be several years before I put it into practice. He asked me to sit up straight, shoulders back and head up high, and take several deep breaths. He also asked me to tell him, out loud, several good things about myself. This was a struggle at first, but empowering statements came more easily as I continued with the exercise. After a while, he asked me if my depression had lessened at all. I had to admit that I felt considerably better. While I didn't feel great, I no longer felt stuck. In June of 2008, just after my wife and I had separated, Master Conway reminded me of our previous conversation. I was just beginning to come to grips with where I had failed as a husband, and I felt almost as powerless as I ever had. The more I brooded on my failure, the more depressed I became, and the more I was convinced that I would never escape the pit I had dug for myself. Master Conway again asked, "What can you do?" He was more kind in his tone of voice, but he was still insistent that I answer the question. It was at this point that I began to understand. Too often we sell ourselves short because we assume the worst. We assume we will fail. We assume there is no way. When we do this, we almost certainly guarantee that we will never find it. If we make the assumption that there is a solution we are much more likely to find one. It has become something of a cliche, but the following statement is true. Whether we assume we can or can't, we're probably right. We must constantly strive to ask ourselves more empowering questions. This does not mean we ignore reality. It simply means we look for the best in every situation, no matter how bad. We also assume that there is always something we can do. Here is an example of what I mean. Instead of asking the question, "Why am I so disorganized?” try asking "How can I be more organized?” The first question is more likely to elicit a more negative answer. "Why am I so disorganized?" "Because I'm lazy and stupid." If we ask the second question, we begin the thought process by which we will arrive at our solution. "How can I be more organized?" "I can put things back when I'm done with them." Even if our initial answers to more empowering questions are not the best possible solution, they are better than the answers we are likely to get if we ask questions that assume we are defective. During our second conversation, Master Conway again guided me through the same breathing and body posture exercise that he had previously. Once we had completed it, he explained the strong relationship between psychology and physiology. Understanding this relationship has proved to be just as valuable in overcoming depression as the ability to ask more empowering questions. I will go into greater detail about how our emotions and our physiology interact in next month's column. In the meantime, perhaps you can practice asking yourself more empowering questions. I would love to hear your results. Note: My wife and I did separate in June of 2008. Thankfully, we reconciled and were reunited in late December of 2009. As long as I don't have to learn anything else, and my life doesn't change at all, I've got the rest of it figured out, and it's going to be smooth sailing from this point forward. I hope more than a few of you realize how ridiculous that last statement is. There will never be a time when I can avoid change. No matter how hard I try to resist it, the world will change around me, and I'll be left struggling to maintain the comfort that is slowly, or not so slowly, slipping from my grasp. What can I do about it? Quite a bit, actually. I lost my eyesight in 1996. I could have stayed bitter or allowed myself to be swallowed by depression. When I realized, in June of 2008, that my marriage was falling apart, I could have continually lived in denial until I smoked, ate, and drank myself to death. If you've read even a little of what I've written in the last three years, or heard me speak during that same period of time, you'll know I did none of those things. I let myself truly experience the pain of those difficult moments, so I could use it to fuel the changes I needed to make. This is not to suggest you must be miserable each moment of your life. Allow yourself to experience the happy times too. Use both pain and pleasure to propel yourself forward. Kevin Cole, a man from whom I've learned much, once told me, "Use pain to push yourself off the couch. Use pleasure to pull yourself forward." My point is if you do your best to keep everything the same, change is going to find you. Pain is going to find you. Do nothing and you will merely exist until you die. Embrace change. Constantly strive to be the best you can be at what ever you do. Keep learning and growing. Experience all the good things life has to offer. Be willing to move forward, even though you're scared… even though you think you're too old… Even if you find yourself overwhelmed, and you don't want to learn a new computer program or mobile application, or take a class, or read a book you know can help you… Do what you can, and build off of that. There is a lot of life to live, regardless of how little sight you still possess. Regardless of how difficult your circumstances may be, there is always a lot of living you can do. If you are willing to go through the sometimes painful, sometimes scary, process of adapting to new circumstances, you will find yourself so focused on the blessings life has to offer that you don't have time to complain about how things aren't like they used to be. As people with visual disabilities living in the age that we do, we have it pretty good, especially when you contemplate what the life of a blind person was like only two hundred years ago. (Louis Braille would have been only two at the time.) The idea that a blind person can be a school teacher or a physicist, let alone a medical doctor or a martial arts instructor, would not have even occurred to Mr. Braille's contemporaries. There are so many resources available to us. Sure, there can be some very significant hoops to jump through in order for us to take advantage of those resources. Personally, I think it's worth it. I also believe that we, as blind people, owe it to ourselves to further our education and increase our marketable job skills as much as we possibly can. Government checks can be helpful, but should we really limit ourselves and the quality of life we can have by depending on others to take care of us? Would you rather have what others decide to give you, or would you rather go for all you can? Joshua Loya is a blind musician, martial artist, and assistive technology trainer living near San Diego, California. You may email him with any questions or suggestions for future articles at: jloya29@gmail.com , http://servantwarrioronline.com/ http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior Hale got me through some very tough times, both as a guide and a companion. I remember an instance where my ears were rather plugged up, and I couldn't hear as well. I was going to cross a street, and Hale backed up as a sport's car took a fast moving turn right in front of us. He was also a tremendous source of strength during the year and a half my wife Andrea and I were separated. That dog has meant more to me than I can adequately express to anyone who has never had the pleasure of working with a guide dog. He will always have a very special place in my heart. It will be some time before I will be able to return to GDB for another guide. (August at the earliest, even if a dog is ready for me before then.) I still prefer working with a guide dog to using a cane, despite the pain that comes with retiring a dog. That being said, I plan on making the most of the coming months as a cane traveler. I've been consistently taking public transit ( a bus and a trolley) to and from my internship at the Braille Institute several days a week. It is definitely a different experience with a cane. I find myself needing to pay attention to my surroundings a lot more than I do when I am working with a dog. It makes me grateful for all the intensive orientation and mobility lessons I had when I was newly blind, even if I didn't appreciate it at the time. There are a lot of people who, while first learning to use a cane, spend all their energy longing for the day when they can get a guide dog. As awesome as it is to work with a dog, they sometimes get sick. Sometimes you need to go places where it may be unsafe or unwise to take a dog, a zoo for example. If you don't know how to travel with a cane, these circumstances are much more challenging. Are you going to put your entire life on hold just because your dog is at the vet, or when you are in between dogs? Consider the following. I haven't been able to work with Hale since December. I originally thought it was his rear leg. He had slipped while getting on a trolley, and I was letting him rest based on recommendations from his vet. If I would have just stayed home and let myself get depressed about it, I would have missed out on taking my sixteen day Master NLP and hypnosis course with Kevin Cole. I wouldn't have been able to work at CSUN at the Tactile World booth. I wouldn't have been able to take advantage of the internship I currently have at the Braille Institute. I would have missed out on a lot, just because I wasn't willing to use a cane for the time being. Working with a guide dog is an amazing thing. The sense of freedom it provides must be experienced to truly understand. That being said, the dark times between dogs and the short periods in which your dog is unable to work are much easier if you have solid cane skills to get you through in the meantime. Note: The majority of Hale's growth was successfully removed, and it was determined to be benign. Unless anything fairly dramatic happens, he will live out the remainder of his days as a pet with his puppy raisers in Bakersfield. Joshua Loya is a musician and martial artist living near San Diego, California. http://servantwarrioronline.com/ http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior It would probably be helpful for me to again describe what a pair of nunchucks looks like. Generally speaking, the weapon consists of two handles or sticks connected by a short cord, rope, or chain. Combat quality nunchucks are most often wooden; training nunchucks frequently have a layer of foam padding around each handle. The weapon requires quite a bit of control, as the slightest error can result in the wielder being more likely to injure himself than the person he is fighting. This need for control is an excellent metaphor for personal relationships. If we think of the handle we are holding as how we conduct ourselves, and the other end of the nunchucks as being the result of our actions, we can see how important it is for us to do our absolute best. If we don’t do what we are supposed to do, we can get seriously hurt. If we respond to situations in the best way possible, we can have a very powerful impact on the world around us. Of course, even if we do everything we can, we may still get hurt. We cannot always control what other forces will have an influence on the other end of the nunchucks; the person we are fighting may block our attack, for example. Similarly, no single human being controls every aspect of their personal relationships, even if we do everything we are supposed to do, we can never be 100% certain that people will respond the way we expect they will. As a result, we may ultimately end up causing damage to the relationship, even when we thought we did the right thing. Still, we can minimize the hurt we experience, and cause in the lives of others, when we constantly strive for more self-control and excellence in our own conduct. One of the other things I have been learning is the importance of facing one’s fears. When we run away from what is scary, or what is difficult, we cheat ourselves out of having fuller and richer lives. When I started learning how to use nunchucks in January, it was more than fifteen years since the last time I was able to see. I wasn’t afraid of losing my vision because I had no more sight left to lose. I did, however, have a fear of hurting myself, so that I might need to have one of my eyes removed, making it even more unlikely that I would be eligible for future treatment. If for any reason, either of my eyes need to be removed, it is unlikely that it will be because I injured one or both of them during my martial arts training. It is far more likely that I will develop glaucoma, as I am still at risk for this because of the scar tissue left over from my many surgeries. I am glad I was able to face this fear. The confidence that I have gained through this experience has reinforced my belief that we can accomplish nearly anything if we set our minds to it. Taking that first trip across a busy street or going back to work after we have lost our sight is not that different from learning more advanced martial arts skills. The first time we do it, it can be incredibly frightening. If we do it anyway, it gets easier. If we stay the course, the skills we use in doing these challenging things become second nature to us. The quality of life we have when we face our fears is so much more than it is when we let our fears control us. What kind of life can we have if we mope around the house feeling sorry for ourselves? Wouldn’t it be more worth doing scary things to have more fulfilling lives? I think you know my thoughts on the matter. Several months previous, I bought a pair of nunchucks at a local pawn shop. For those who are unaware, nunchucks, or nunchaku, are a martial arts weapon. It consists of two cylindrical handles attached by a cord, rope, or chain. While I may be a black belt now, I had little to no formal training then. Fortunately for me, the nunchucks I bought were a training pair, and the two handles were covered by foam padding. This did not mean that they were completely safe, however. Fast forward to that final week of January. My mom was away training with her fifth guide dog, and my aunt, who had been checking up on me, was at work. I was home alone, and I was enjoying the extra freedom. I popped my Pantera CD into the player in the living room and turned the volume as high as it would go. Metal was meant to be played loud. I grabbed my nunchucks, and began swinging them around like I was an action star and the music was the soundtrack to my latest movie. That’s when things went terribly wrong. The very tip of one of the handles of the nunchucks just missed the bone of my eye socket and popped me right in my left eye, which had been operated on as recently as October. My vision immediately started to dim, and I frantically scrambled to turn off the stereo. I then called 911. My exact memory of what happened after that is fairly hazy. I had gone into shock. None of the three surgeries I would have in the next two months would restore my vision. Fifteen years later, after I had obtained 1st degree in three styles, my martial arts instructor began teaching me how to use this Okinawan weapon properly. Next month, I will share a bit about what this has meant for me. I will also share some lessons and philosophical principles that will be applicable to anyone, regardless of their experience or interest in the martial arts, which I would not have learned, if I had not begun learning how to use the very thing that had played such a pivotal role in me losing my eyesight. Joshua Loya is a musician and martial artist living near San Diego, California. You can learn more about him by visiting his web site: http://servantwarrioronline.com/ http://twitter.com/ServantWarrior One of the common misconceptions about martial arts is that you have to be physically fit to begin training. When I took my first class at my current school, I was nearly sixty pounds heavier than I am now, and I was much more flab than muscle. At the time, I would get out of breath walking to the bus stop closest to my apartment. That was less than six years ago. I can now comfortably jog over a mile while holding a casual conversation with a sighted running partner. Attending class several times a week, helped me to get the regular exercise I so desperately needed. I felt far less awkward being blind in a martial arts class than I have ever felt at a gym. I did later incorporate swimming and weight lifting into my regular fitness routine, but I would not have done so if not for the initial momentum I got from being in class each week. Besides great strength, speed, and flexibility, martial artists generally have particularly good balance. Many of us who are blind have significant challenges with maintaining balance, even when we are not performing head high spinning kicks. Like strength and flexibility, most martial artists gain their exceptional balance through the course of their training; they do not train because they have exceptional balance. While I do not possess exceptional balance in comparison to other martial artists of similar rank and experience, my balance has dramatically improved since my first day of class. Of course, you’re not going to improve your balance or shed fat if you don’t know what’s going on. How do you learn how to do those moves? This is where it is important to have a good teacher. I am fortunate to have an instructor that recognizes that not everyone learns the same way. Not all sighted people learn visually. Many of them learn better by listening to someone explain something, while others learn best by doing. It is because he had students that learned through these alternate means that my instructor had tools that were useful when I became the first blind person to train with him. Should you decide to study a martial art, whether it be judo or karate or tai chi, it is important to have an instructor who is able to teach by other means besides demonstrating a technique and expecting that to be enough for the students. Beyond physical skills, my martial arts training has helped me gain the strength to keep going no matter how difficult life gets. If I can handle the chaos of a grappling match, I can remain calm when a restaurant owner doesn’t want to let me enter with my guide dog. If I am comfortable using a sword, I don’t have to feel like a failure when I get lost in my local shopping mall. When people assume I must be stupid, just because I am blind, I can remember all I have learned during my time as a martial artist. It is not our blindness which prevents us from being our best. It is our fear or the mistaken belief that our blindness limits how full and rewarding our lives can really be. I decided that my blindness was not going to keep me from getting my black belt. It didn’t. Should blindness prevent you from getting yours? I bought my very own fully accessible Apple iPhone in October of 2009, approximately one year before I obtained the 15 inch Macbook Pro I’m using right now. In the short time I have had it, my Mac has become my primary computer. My wife and I still have a Windows desktop in our living room, but I generally only use it for games or accessing my SAMNet account. In short, technologically speaking, I live a very Apple-centric life. I was skeptical at first. Was all this talk of true accessibility built into mainstream products real, or was it just hype? I took a chance on the iPhone because I was spending over four hours on public transit every day, and I was so exhausted when I got home that the last thing I wanted to do was check my email. I had to options. I could either spend a minimum of $150 on a phone, and another $100 to $400 on a screen reader, or I could spend between $200 to $300 on a phone that did everything I needed it to do, even if it didn’t do everything it claimed. I was pleasantly surprised by what I could do with my iPhone, and I resolved very quickly, that my next computer would be a Mac. “But Joshua,” you say, “what about SMAs and new versions of the operating system?” Voice Over, Apple’s screen reader, is built in to every Mac, iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch. It is even built into the new Apple TV, which enables you to stream programs from Netflix or movies you rent from the Apple iTunes store. Each update to the software which operates your specific device includes updates to Voice Over. The only time you pay for a software upgrade is when sighted people do. “But Joshua, you’re still going to need a note taking device, right?” My Pacmate is broken, and I don’t have any plans to repair it or replace it with a different blindness specific note taker. Now that a recent software update has brought improved braille display support and full keyboard navigation to all of Apple’s touch screen devices, I’m content to use my iPhone until I can afford a new iPad, which is less than $850, even if I get the most expensive model. Is Apple the be all and end all when it comes to tech? It isn’t. It is, however, a company that is forward thinking and agrees with the idea that those with disabilities shouldn’t pay extra to use the same products as their sighted counterparts. They are not alone. Companies like Serotek, makers of System Access, are shattering the misconception that access technology needs to be expensive to be any good. The AT world is changing, and the companies, whose products most of us use, will need to change or go the way of the dodo. We may have a more difficult time getting funding from rehabilitation or blindness services agencies, but, those of us buying our own computers, note takers, and cell phones out of pocket now have options that do not require us to pay extra to use them, merely because we are unable to see. Joshua Loya is a musician and martial artist. He is currently an assistant instructor at the Guardian Academy of Martial Arts in Spring Valley, California. His band Arimathea’s song “Sirens” was recently featured in the audio book version of The Starter by New York Times best selling author Scott Sigler. You can learn more about Joshua by visiting his web site: http://servantwarrioronline.com/ | From the editor | Warm Up Scents | For sale this month... | Wanted, for trade, or for free | Business & job opportunities | Services | Announcements | Tech Corner | Tips & tidbits from the Food Lady | Blind Man Walking | Global Cane Outreach Updates | Links of interest | Post & purchase an ad or announcement | | Return Home | Subscribe or post a comment | The Blind Post Classified News Online | |
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